How to Avoid your Child's Disobedience

Disobeying is in our blood, wouldn't you agree to that! We ask ourselves, have we been the obedient kind? Our kids somewhere in their part of growing up get this trait from us. It's not something we ask them to learn from us. Our children pick and learn from daily observation - observing us! So this is how some children accidentally learn disobeying from their parents. It is also a behavioral trait that a child can develop in it's adolescent stage due to mental repression of their feelings.

How to deal with a disobedient child

- First we ask ourselves! Would it be right to spank or verbally abuse a child for disobeying? Is anger the right weapon to handle your child's tantrum. Is yelling back or punishing a child the right approach to reinforce obedience. Should we be taking a child's disobedience  personally and act accordingly. No!! certainly not.

- It takes a lot of patience on the part of parent to act as a responsible parent. First all we need to do is deal with this situation with patience and calm.

- Finding the actual reason behind child's disobedience could be the first step that you take to tackle it. Why is your child behaving so can help you answer a lot of questions and also help find solution.

- If the disobedience of your child comes from his curiosity then all it needs is good reasoning and patience to deal with the situation. Help them by providing solutions and answers to their curiosity.

- If a child is confused then clearing their confusion helps. Talk to them! Let them know the rights and wrongs.

- Tantrums can be the worst behavior trait a parent would wish to handle. A moody child needs to handle with loads of patience and calm. Try to divert their attention to change thier moods. Be calm and reasoning while doing so.

- Provide attention to your child. In order to avoid your child's disobedience spend some quality time with them so they don't go seeking your attention by being disobedient. Make it rule - in spite of your busy schedule, you will spend few hours of your day or maybe weekends with your children. Let your children know how much you love them.

- Don't encourage a child's disobedience during primary stages. Don't give into their unnecessary and unworthy demands every now and then. Teach them discipline.

- Don't punish your children every now and then. Be firm on decision you make if you think they are right for them. Certain instructions or rules should not be changed even for once. Any threat which you don't intend to follow shouldn't be made.

- Set an example. If you wish your child to follow rules, see that you too follow the same. For example, If you ask a child to eat vegetables but he doesn't see you eating them. Or you ask your child not to watch television while eating food but you watch. How do you expect a child to obey in such cases.

- At times a child disobeys because he feels his behavior is right. In such cases providing a little legroom or space helps. For instance a child would learn to obey if he experiences certain things, other then following your instruction out and out. 

Why do Children Disobey

It hurts as parents, that our children disobey! We always wanted to inculcate good habits and practices in our children and all the outcome that we get for our efforts is disobedience from them. This is definitely not what we expected! So why should this even happen, and that too to us. Where we went wrong! Imagine the anger and frustration that built up within us at their disobedience or the embarrassment they cause to us in front of others. A child may tend to obey but this can happen only after a parent is is on the verge of exploding after repeating their commands over and over.

Should we really worry about our child's disobedience

Disobedience is said to be a natural tendency for children at an adolescent stage. But if a parent ignores a child's disobedience at this levels then maybe you are making a clear statement to your child that it is okay to disobey. Consistent disobedient behavior cannot be encouraged by parents.We need to get to the bottom of the problem for why a child is behaving so.

Causes of child's disobedience

- Children usually wish to do things their parents don't want them to do. This could be about anything viz.choices about food, clothing, studies or following certain rules such as following hygiene, going to bed early, watching television while eating, behaving well in front of guests etc.

- Disobedience usually happens on certain domains where it feels good to disobey. Children also disobey when they are curious about certain reasons. They wish to know why they should do what they are told  to do.

- What feels like disobedience to parents can actually be a right behavior for the child. They themselves too feel right about their behavior and hence disobey their parents.

- Confusion over certain matters can also lead a child to disobey. Often a child doesn't have an idea of how to react or behave on a particular set of rules laid to them by their parents which leads to disobedience.

- A child tends to grow up with his own personal identity or we could put it as he gets his own understanding about his personal identity.  A child grows with his own perception and wisdom. This leads a child to choose or decide things for example, say clothing or particular activity like growing hair, gelling or styling hair etc, that he assumes is good for him or looks good on him. When a parent objects to such behavior, a child could disobey.

- Mood tantrums of children are not new to parents. A child can be moody at times and this definitely affects his behavior. At times when a child can be found cheerful and in matter of minutes turn cranky and stubborn. This stubbornness can lead to disobedience.

- Children are attention seekers, They want and expect their parents to pay attention to them or to spend time with them. In today's world it gets difficult for parents to provide quality time to their kids. Lack of attention can lead to disobedience in children.

- Family feuds and constant arguments between parents can disturb a child mentally. A child being unaware of reasons for why his parents argue; gets confused and this confusion can constantly worry him. If the child is left alone with such worries and none attention is paid to him by parents, then the mental disturbance caused by such reasons can lead to disobedience.

Importance of Obedience in Children

One of the most important keystone of our society is obedience. Obedience is essential for a child's individual as well as social life. Without obedience, there would be void and what would exist is turbulence, disorderliness and rebellion. Obedience is essential for the betterment of human society. It is not only necessary for an individual's private as well as social life but comes handy in all dimensions of life.

Obedience in Children

A child must obey his parents. A student must obey his teacher. A disobedient child shows signs of being spoilt. On the contrary child who obeys may actually shine bright in his future. In the similar manner, obeying teachers portray respect for them. A student exhibits good behavior as well as manners.

To Obey or not to Obey

Obedience is fundamental essentials of life. But it can be damaging when it causes physical or mental distress. One needs to understand the perfect balance between obedience and submission. One should obey only if he believes in it, not because he is expected to. An obedient child should also know when, where and whom to obey. For this a child should understand what is right and what is wrong. When a child is unable to make such a difference then he is submissive to bullying. Blind obedience is bad. When disobedience makes you feel oppressive then it's time you question yourself - are you doing the right thing? Blindly following rules which one is forced to follow is not being obedient. Letting autocrats and dictators bully you is not obedience.

Role of Parent and Teacher in Teaching a Child being Obedient

It is the duty of a parent or the teacher to explain the child the importance of obedience and the right way to do so. A child should be taught to understand the difference between what is right and what is wrong, whom to obey and whom to disobey. Obedience in the correct sense may take a child to great heights, help to excel in studies and indeed lead him to a brilliant future ahead!